TORTURE FACTOR DEFINITION NONE GUIDEBOOK RUNS. DRIVE TO PUT IN. DRIVE TO THE TAKE OUT. ALL OF THE LOGS ARE VERTICAL AND ALIVE. PADDLERS CHAT ON THEIR CELL PHONES IN THE EDDIES AND DRINK HOT RUM TOTTIES AT THE TAKE OUT. LOW GUIDEBOOK RUNS. SHORT HIKE TO THE PUT IN OR SHORT HIKE FROM THE TAKE OUT. THERE IS A TREE LEANING OVER THE CREEK THAT MIGHT FALL IN LATER. BOAT COULD GET DIRTY OR SCRATCHED ACCESSING THE RIVER. PORTAGES NICELY EQUIPPED WITH FIXED LINES AND FLOWERS. MEDIUM USUALLY NOT IN THE GUIDEBOOK. HAS ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING: POOR ACCESS, DANGEROUS PORTAGES, RABID BEAVERS, INBRED FOREST-DWELLING METH-LAB FREAKS, DRUNKEN POACHERS, LOG JAMS. HIGH DIRE WARNINGS IN THE BACK OF THE GUIDEBOOK CONVINCE THOSE PAYING ATTENTION TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS. WOOD DESCRIBED USING WORDS LIKE 'PAYLOAD' AND 'MEGA-TONS'; YOU PORTAGE MORE THAN YOU PADDLE. HORRENDOUS PORTAGES REQUIRE A GPS TO COMPLETE, POSSIBLY ENDING UP IN ANOTHER DRAINAGE ENTIRELY. PADDLERS YOU DO THE RUN WITH ARE ALWAYS BUSY WHEN YOU CALL THEM LATER. VERY HIGH HAVE TO HIKE FOR HOURS TO ACCESS, THEN FACE MANY NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE AND/OR INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS PORTAGES. WOOD MEASURED IN CUBIC TONS PER SECOND. JASON RANDOMLY SHOUTS: "ALL RIGHT YOU MEN, YOU WANNA LIVE FOREVER?!?" MORE THAN ONCE. YOU MAY HAVE TO ABANDON YOUR GEAR FOREVER JUST TO GET OUT ALIVE. INSANELY HIGH AFTER YEARS OF THERAPY, YOU RECALL AN AGONIZING BLUR OF PORTAGES, BROKEN GEAR AND HORRENDOUS POUNDINGS. ALL OF THE WOOD IS IN THE CREEK, WHILE THE 'FOREST' CONSISTS ENTIRELY OF POISON OAK AND DEVILS CLUB. YOUR BACK LOCKS UP AND YOU START RETCHING UNCONTROLLABLY EVERY TIME YOU THINK ABOUT THE RUN. THE POOR SUCKERS YOU TRICKED INTO DOING THE CREEK WITH YOU MOVE AWAY, CHANGE THEIR NAMES, AND TAKE UP GOLF. Copyright 2006, oregon kayaking, No part of this page may be reproduced, linked, or copied without the express written permission of the Oregon Kayaking webmaster.